Melt Down

I suppose it was inevitable.  I've tried so hard to remain positive and flexible through this whole thing.  But, a week out of the frame, and I just can't get over the idea that a walking boot meant I could walk.  Reality is somewhat different.  So, still using the wheelie and ankle is stiff as a brick.  No pain - as long as I don't try to move it!  Yesterday I had my husband set me up on the front deck with my newly purchased flowers and my hanging baskets and dirt, so I could do at least a little gardening.  In Alaska, this is a really BIG deal every spring.  And about halfway through the project, I needed things that weren't there in front of me.  He, meanwhile, had gone off to do something else and couldn't hear me call for him.  So, then I tried to get up off the deck, only to realize it was too low for my poor tired "good" knee to support.  So there I am, stuck like a turtle on its back, surrounded by plants I didn't want to crush.  Not a pretty picture.  I did finally manage to get myself up and back in the house, where I promptly had a meltdown worthy of any 3 year old.  So I sent myself to bed, dirt and all, pulled the covers over my head, and slept for 45 minutes.  I woke up feeling better and decided I could probably tackle the gardening again tomorrow.  I guess the point is, this ain't over till it's over and the fat lady hasn't sung yet.

I have a JAS splint on order that will assist me in regaining my ROM, and am waiting on my PT authorization to be approved.  I'm fairly confident that once I can get into the jet tub or pool things will loosen up more quickly, but that's still several weeks away.  Meanwhile, I have to accept that I'm still reliant on the knee walker to actually get around, and just keep trying to stuff my foot into the boot at home and make voyages up and down the hallway.  Grrrrr....

And then there's all the helpful folks who keep saying "oh, you must feel so much better without the frame" and "what did the doctor say, is he impressed"  I know they mean well and I do appreciate it.  But the truth is, no it doesn't feel better out of the frame because the frame was supporting the ankle joint.  I don't miss the pins or sleeping in it, but I do miss the support.  And the doctors didn't say anything because from here on out, it's a total Hail Mary pass and it's going to be awhile before we know if anyone caught the thing anywhere close to the end zone. And this week, that end zone is a long way away.  So, I just smile, grit my teeth, and say "Yes, feeling better, thanks."